We're gonna take a break from throwing dirt on the Patriots' grave and objectifying women for a moment to celebrate that scrumptous piece of sexual chocolate you see pictured above. You see, sometimes being an NFL head coach isn't always about winning Super Bowls (or even playoff games) or yelling at your players, and it apparently has nothing to do with knowing when and when not to go for 2-point conversions. Sometimes, it's simply about straight up bringing the sexy.
Ladies, I give you Mike Tomlin...the sexiest coach in the National Football League. I mean, do I even need to ask if you'd hit that sexy little bitch? Wouldn't you like to just lather him up with baby oil? Dress him up like Spider-Man? Tie him up to a chair and treat him like your own personal gimp for a day? Introduce him to an ether rag and a strap-on? You know he'd love it too...the dirty little whore. WHORE!!!!
Yeah, I think it's safe to say that unless you're a fifty-something married secretary, it's about time to take a ride on the T-train. He'd totally do it. He'd have sex with each and every one of you. He knows it too. There's no doubt about that. Little slut.
Pig.
Even the 50 something married secretary may want to upgrade after last Sunday.
Posted by: Ocho Ocho | February 06, 2008 at 12:24 PM
The way black men get objectified as sexual objects is downright appalling.
PS: I worry about you Vandelay. Really, I do.
Posted by: jackie | February 06, 2008 at 12:51 PM
"Wouldn't you like to just lather him up with baby oil? Dress him up like Spider-Man? Tie him up to a chair and treat him like your own personal gimp for a day? Introduce him to an ether rag and a strap-on?"
It sure sounds like you would, Vandelay.
Posted by: Jack Klompus | February 06, 2008 at 01:25 PM
I was in New Orleans during the NFL draft last year for a Jazz Fest/bachelor party extravaganza... and surprisingly enough I was vomiting into the mini-fridge draft-day morning. So while all the other guys were out eating fried aligator, watching southern sorority girls in spaghetti straps, and checking out the best music festival in the country I was getting introduced to Mike Tomlin. Now I've already cross checked Youtube and nothing came up, but before the draft began Rachel Nichols was in Pittsburgh getting some insight from the new Steelers coach. He was wearing one of those $500 silk bowling shirts and he kept his fingers templed and not once did he look into the camera. He just stared into Rachel's eyes and made the sweetest of love to her ocular cavities. I'd like to say she was flustered and blushing or something, but I was in really bad shape that day. But I did take notice of the new Man roaming the sidelines and pantie drawers of Pittsburgh. Quite the specimen.
Posted by: Matt | February 06, 2008 at 01:44 PM
It sure sounds like you would, Vandelay.
Perhaps if shows me he can win a playoff game.
Matt, thanks for the anecdote. You know what I'm talking about.
Posted by: Art Vandelay | February 06, 2008 at 02:41 PM
"He just stared into Rachel's eyes and made the sweetest of love to her ocular cavities. I'd like to say she was flustered and blushing or something, but I was in really bad shape that day."
That's got to be the most anti-climatic statement I've read on this blog.
Posted by: Eli | February 06, 2008 at 03:06 PM
I don't understand how Vicki's Secret could completely ignore Norv Turner and Mike Holmgren, two of the sexiest bishes this side of a headset.
Posted by: Dr. Tim Whatley | February 06, 2008 at 04:34 PM
Sorry, Tomlin's got nothing on Dave Wannstedt and Bill Cowher. Those guys? With their pornstaches and general air of dimness?
Posted by: Schmoopie | February 06, 2008 at 05:40 PM
Herm Edwards is way way hotter
Posted by: DFS | February 06, 2008 at 06:08 PM
"Herm Edwards is way way hotter."
Especially if you're into bimbos.
Posted by: jackie | February 06, 2008 at 06:20 PM