The first part of this could have been one of my Grievances.
People always tell me "Thank god it's Friday," as if Friday is the best day of the week. You know what? Thank god when it's Saturday. Saturday is the day of divine gratitude. Thank some lesser demi-gods for Sunday, as, unlike Saturday, Sunday night is usually filled with wretched thoughts of Monday morning. But don't thank any gods for the cock-tease that is Friday. Friday is just another day at work. Granted, you get to wear jeans, don't undertake any major efforts and spend the evening defiling yourself (and others if you have the proper marital aids), but thanking god for a day that ranks as 2nd or 3rd best in the week (4th, if you like American Idol) seems silly. I'll have no more of it.
The second part of today's post is about a topic near and dear to me. The buffet.
Or, more importantly, the way some buffets are trying to fuck their customers out of their god-given right to engorge themselves to a near diabetic state.
As far as I'm concerned, this is a big deal. Ever since I saw the Fat Boys decimate the All You Can Eat buffet (for $3.99) in Krush Groove, I've spent my life coming up with ways to maximize one's intake at a buffet and get the most for your dollar. Avoid the heavily breaded items. Find the one nasty food item immediately, and never eat it since it is designed to destroy your appetite. Stick with lean meats early, drink water sparingly and end with something delicious so you know you'll be able to keep it all down, etc. Itchy has seen me operate, so she knows the technique works. When I pay $8.99, I get my goddamned money's worth.
So, where the hell do these restaurant owners come off delivering such choice lines as:
"Y'all fat, and y'all eat too much"
...and not expecting a riot? Did they not know they were a buffet? Who did they expect to show up? The Beastie Boys? They want to charge these men extra because they know loading up on the lean crab legs and avoiding the Canola-soaked crab cakes is a better deal? These guys weigh in the upper 200's. They know the buffet veteran moves. Avoiding the crab is a rookie mistake.
In fact, in protest, I think I'll spend 3 hours tomorrow taking my local buffet to the cleaners. Thank god it's almost Saturday.