To The Bank Has a List

Fantasy GMs – I love fantasy football. I draft between three and five teams every year. I, too, have stories about bad losses and times that I just missed the playoffs. Yes, I also was burnt by Frank Gore this year. But please STFU about all the details. I don't care about scenarios that could have happened. Let's deal with actual results, making up fantasy outcomes for your fantasy team is making me want to punch you in the face. Your team lost and that's the end of it.

In over your head homebuyer – You have helped to screw things up royally and now some of you are getting bailed out at the expense of responsible tax payers. What were you thinking when you decided to purchase a home that you had no chance of ever affording? Risk and reward is one thing but you are gambling with your home. You see that dude begging for quarters? You probably won't ever share a trash can lunch dive with him but if you don't learn from your mistakes you're in for a whole heap of problems.

Box blocker – Hey jackass, the traffic up ahead of you wasn't moving and the light was yellow so why did you keep coming through the intersection? You're blocking my right of way and any chance I had at getting to work on time. Thanks pal, I hope your battery is dead in about 8 hours when you are trying to get home for dinner.

Contractors – Getting paid wasn't a good enough reason to finish the job? I'm not sure how you stay in business. When you say you are coming, then I expect one of two things to happen. 1) you show up or 2) a courteous call informing me that you stubbed your toe or you have a runny nose and you'll be out of commission for a week. Not calling is unacceptable and you definitely won't be getting any jobs from me or anyone I know down the road. Again, how do you stay in business?

Phillies post season offense – 16/93 and eight runs in three games? I was waiting 14 years for that? I realize the Rockies were on fire and they were almost unbeatable from mid-September until the World Series. And I understand that you were used to golfing, fishing or hunting in October's past. But you were the highest scoring offense in the NL in 2007 and you turned into a team of post season A-Rods in October. Team OPS dropped from .812 in the regular season to .640 in the post season. That's lame! Not to single out one player over anyone else, but Ryan Howard really needs to improve his batting in the 9th inning of playoff games. Three called third strikes in three games ain't gonna to cut it.

My wife – It seems like almost every time I try to grab a bowl of cereal there is only a handful of Fruit Loops in the bag. On the off chance that I do get six spoons full of Cocoa Pebbles in my bowl, there are almost never more than three thimbles of milk left in the container. So now I have to hop in the truck that you've been using all week and the gas gauge is on E. WTF?! Now I'm out $56 dollars for a bowl of cereal. We've had this discussion on numerous occasions. This isn't a small thing like not putting the lid back on the toothpaste. You're effing around with meal time. It's the kind of thing that can get you downgraded to roommate status in a hurry.