TMan Unleashes the Hounds

Okay, I've been saving up. Allow me to vent my spleen:

1. To all of the cockknockers out there that insist on putting their shit in the locker right next to mine at the gym, despite the fact that there are numerous other areas where none of the lockers are in use: FUCK OFF. Seriously, what's your fucking thought process here? It's 6:30 in the morning and you can't figure out that we'd all be more comfortable with a bit more space? Or do you actually enjoy getting dressed after your morning work-out while some guy you don't know is drying his balls just inches from you? Either you are a fucking inconsiderate ape or a sadly closeted gay man. Either way, fucking figure it out. And put your shit somewhere else, away from me.

2. To you other zipperheads at the gym who think nothing of leaving your shit all over the few benches in the locker room, including your sweaty clothes, leaving the rest of us to have to move it if we want to use the bench: DROP DEAD. I move it and dare you to say shit to me about it, but you never do. Take note: your momma don't work here, so pick your shit up and get it out of our way. Try using a locker. Just not next to me.

3. To the fuckin' idiot from Derry, NH I heard interviewed on the news this morning who had the following quote: "I moved heah to get away from all of them foreigners who was takin' ovah Massachusetts. But theyah comin' up heah too. Not that I'm prejudiced against them or nothin'." FUCK YOU, YOU IGNORANT FUCK. YOU ARE PREJUDICED. YOU'RE JUST TOO FUCKING STUPID TO KNOW IT OR TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY TO ADMIT IT. Oh, and unless you family lives on a reservation or owns a casino, you're a fucking immigrant too.

4. To all of you who hate New England sports fans: take a fuckin' pill. There are ignorant sports fans everywhere. I've been to games at the Yankee Stadium, Meadowlands (Jets and Giants), Heinz Field, Tiger Stadium, Coors Field, Ford Field and even Reliant Stadium. There were just as many drunken, ignorant, loudmouthed, fat dickheads at those venues. I hate to be the one to point this out, but sporting events tend to bring out the shitheads. That's why I generally tend to watch sports at home or at the home of a select few friends. I can't stand the loud drunken asshole fans, even when they are cheering for the same team I am. New England sports teams are doing well now, even at the expense of your teams. Guess what? It happens. Someday soon, your team will do well at the expense of New England. Except for the Devil Rays and the Dolphins. They're cover-your-eyes bad. Now, have a drink and relax. Unless you're a Cowboys fan. If so, eat a dick. I don't remember voting for "America's Team".

5. To Joe Buck: DROP DEAD. We get it. You don't like Boston. You think Randy Moss is crass. Guess what? We can't stand you and your St. Louis homerism either. And wipe that smug look off your face. Any man that has had Tony LaRussa's cock that deep in his mouth as often as you have should never have a smug look on his face.

6. To Roger Clemens: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You fat, surly bastard. This is absolutely true: Summer of 1990, I was working as a toll collector on the Mass Pike, the exit you take to get to Fenway. These were the days before Fast Lane, so the drivers had to actually stop and give the money to a real person. If it was either of the evening shifts, it was like to be me that summer. I met a couple of the Red Sox players, as many of them lived in the western suburbs and therefore had to come through the lane to get to the park. I said the same thing to each of them: "Hey, good luck tonight." That's it. No autograph or ticket requests. No goofy "win one for me" or anything. WIth one exception, they were all gracious and welcoming of that little exchange. The exception: Clemens. Of the numerous times I got him in my lane that summer, not once could he muster a "thanks". The most I even got from that fat, smug bastard was "yeah". The other times, he wouldn't say a word. To this day, I detest him. Even Bobby Brown, stoned out of his mind, driving a fire engine red MB convertable, was plesant. I think the true measure of a person is how they treat those they have no immediate requirement to express kindness. Roger Clemens showed himself to be a self-involved, arrogant prick. So, choke on the Mitchell Report. You suck.

7. To everyone in Congress: grow some balls (you too Pelosi). The whole point to our Constitution is that the three branches (yes! there are three EQUAL branches) balance each other out. If the Executive (that's the one run by the guy in the White House) exceeds it's authority (oh, by say, suspending the constitutionally enshrined right to habeas corpus) the other two are supposed to step up and stop them. You're not supposed to just look the other way and pretend you don't know about. Or worse, rubber stamp it to curry favor. PUSSIES!

That's it. I'm spent.

Comments

[Jack Klompus]

"Summer of 1990, I was working as a toll collector on the Mass Pike,"

This explains a lot.

Well done all around, TMan. The locker shit used to piss me off as well. People do the same shit with parking spaces. It's fucking retarded.

[Schmoopie]

Amen on #3 and #7.

[TMan]

Klompus,

When I'm on my deathbed, dying from some horrible lung disease I contracted from sucking in toxic exhaust fumes, you'll feel bad about that comment. On the flip side, until that summer I had no idea how much road head dudes were getting out there.

[Jack Klompus]

"When I'm on my deathbed, dying from some horrible lung disease I contracted from sucking in toxic exhaust fumes, you'll feel bad about that comment."

Not likely. I just found out I have 3.5 years of toxic mold under my belt. We'll see who gets there first.

[jackie]

That was awesome, T-Man. Love the Clemens story.

Unless you're a Cowboys fan. If so, eat a dick. I don't remember voting for "America's Team".

Nicely done.

How many guys would you see getting sucked off on a busy night?

[TMan]

Friday or Saturday, an average of 3-4. Most of the skanks never even looked up. One did and asked me if I "wanted some". To this day, I'm sure if she meant wanted some head or wanted to give her man some. Not really wanting to know, I declined.