The issue on my mind at the moment is that there are unwritten rules out there for us to live by, but until you figure them out, consistent with the view of your spouse, you are doomed to gnash your teeth until you need a root canal. At least that seems to be the wayit works for me.
In particular, the aspect of the issue that I'm tryingto get my arms around is timing. Such as, when to show up for social engagements. Some things, like sporting events are tied to specific starting times, so at least that aspect of the requirement is understood. But, social engagements require you tounderstand each host and crowd's definition of "fashionably late". My wife is late for everything anyway, so we never arrive unfashionably early to these soirees. That can be helpful. But, sometimes it gets comically into the "where the hell have you been?" stage of lateness. The good news is that we never hurry out of the house and forget something – an issue that would arise were I still single. But my patient-as-a-saint wife lives an unhurried life, and even as it is, I have to give her credit for still being the most punctual female in her family. Her many fine qualities offset this nit and I've learned to live with consistent tardiness, if not embrace it.
Now, I am particularly looking forward to this coming holiday season, for my parents arrive on our doorstep next week. Their view on time management and a desirable departure time could not be more different than my wife's. My father has never been late in his life. He gets ready early for any engagement and hectors all around him in his uniquely impatient, vaguely threatening manner until he gets frustrated and leaves with out them. My mother adapted seamlessly to this behavior by duplicating it as nearly as possible.
So, can you envision the entire group of us going to the local pancake house on upcoming mornings? The parents will be frustrated and impatient. The wife will be silently taking it in until the patience cracks and seething replaces it. My daughter will pick up on the stress and act out. And, I'll try to please everyone but will inevitably witness the passive aggressive manifestations of their frustration. Lather, rinse, repeat. Whenever possible, I'll find copious alcohol consumption to be a helpful diversion. Happy holidays to you and can I get you an eggnog?
I think this happens with all in-laws. You're mixing family norms and someone always ends up frustrated.
My wife's family believes in "implying" things. They never say what they mean. My family believes in speaking and never implying. As a result, when my wife's family tries to tell my family something, they just take them literally and don't hear the actual meaning. It's comical to watch but frustrating to both sides.
Posted by: Assman | December 21, 2007 at 12:12 PM
"My father has never been late in his life. He gets ready early for any engagement and hectors all around him in his uniquely impatient, vaguely threatening manner until he gets frustrated and leaves with out them."
I had no idea you're my brother.
Posted by: jackie | December 21, 2007 at 12:36 PM
My wife's family believes in "implying" things. They never say what they mean.
"Of course we have no problem with you marrying a black. None at all. As long as you're happy that's all that matters. Now if you'll excuse us we're gonna go ahead and make a few edits to our will."
Posted by: Art Vandelay | December 21, 2007 at 01:21 PM
"Of course we have no problem with you marrying a black. None at all. As long as you're happy that's all that matters. Now if you'll excuse us we're gonna go ahead and make a few edits to our will."
Actually, they said, "Well, you do what you want and we always support those ideas, even when they would have driven your grandfather crazy and if they would possibly make your children into confused half-things. We're right there with you."
Posted by: Assman | December 21, 2007 at 01:42 PM