Mark Dye (a.k.a. "Unholy Moses") Brings It Once Again

Legendary griever, Mark from Daddyology is back! (Formerly of Thou Shall Not Suck) A warm thanks to Mark for coding his html for me.

I was thinking about AotG Festivus entry a few weeks ago, knowing it was coming up soon, and I thought about who and/or what would be my victims topics. I usually spread it around a bit, and lord knows there has been plenty of material this year.

But then one evening, while driving home, I was listening to Herm Edwards give his press conference the week after the Chiefs got their asses handed to them by a mediocre Denver team.

It was about halfway through when I knew my 2007 Grievance. All Herm had to do was spew forth the typical stupidity that comes from that hole under his nose; this time, toward the fans about his failures this season:

Get over it!

Ex-fucking-scuse me? Get over it? What the holy fuck, exactly, am I to get the fuck over?

Should I get over the fact the Chiefs have won a whopping three fucking playoff games since my birth?

Should I get over an offensive line that's allowed more big black men to penetrate than Jenna Jamison?

Should I get over the fact that you've somehow made an entire career out of one fluke play thirty-or-so years ago?

Should I get over an offense that scores less often than an 85-year old eunuch who's spent 84 years in a nunnery?

Should I get over wide receivers who couldn't catch the clap if they spent a year fucking every whore in Bangkok?

Should I get over a team that decided to give a $49 million contract to a woman-beating running back with the emotional maturity of a 14-year old girl having her first period?

Should I get over the fact you were, at best, a mediocre player who, thus, continues to draft mediocre players in the hopes they can be just as mediocre as you were?

Face it, Herm: You're a clueless shitfuckhole of a coach who would be outmanaged, out gameplanned, out drafted, and outcoached by a clinically retarded, deaf-mute Peruvian goatfucker who thinks "football" is a game in which you go around kicking other guys in the nuts.

I tell you what, Herm—as someone from a family that's had season tickets since 1963, but won't after this year, I'll "get over it" the second you: a.) quit; b.) are shitcanned; c.) prove there is karmic retribution by having your head forcibly shoved through your ass by a 1974 Coupe de Ville that just magically falls out of the sky.

So fuck you, fuck your weak-ass apology, and here's to you having 79,451 feet planted squarely in your ass.

Now how many draft picks do we need to give the Jets in order for them to take your dumb ass back?

Comments

[jackie]

"Should I get over an offensive line that's allowed more big black men to penetrate than Jenna Jamison?"

That's comedy.

Give Herm a little credit, Mark. After all, he is a Player's Coach.

[Mark D]

He may be a "Players Coach" but he's also a "Dumbass Coach" who wouldn't put an offense on the field if he didn't have to.

I really can't remember the last time I hated a coach this bad.

[Babu]

What do you have against Peruvians? I was just there, they are a very nice people, and I didn't see a single goat....loads of llamas and alpacas though...