A Festivus Grievance From SportsFrog's Memphis Bengal

Memphis Bengal is back again to share a grievance and as always, thanks for the shout out over at the Frog. It was another year of tremendous work for you guys over there.

"Unresolved issues" (whatever the fuck that encompasses). Parents. Terminal diseases. I got a problem with all of it, and especially in combination. You go along as an adult, hit year 37, comfortable with the emotional and physical distance you have carved out with regard to how fucked up your father made things 12 years ago (and longer ago as it turns out), and then he gets sick. And, all of a sudden, the 1200 miles away thing blows because you are going to have to find ways to get there to help him deal with it and it will be as inconvenient as possible. Particularly when stubbornness intervenes and the sick one thinks he can just tough it out on his own. Particularly when time spent with him is a reminder of just how little he knows about you, your family, or, more specifically, his grandkids, who are strangers to him mostly at his selfish choosing. Particularly when a cursory review of what is ahead for him with regard to the illness shows there is no fucking way that going it alone again is going to be possible. Particularly when the physical and emotional distance stems from the sick one. Particularly when just leaving him to die over however long and painful it is going to be isn't an option. Though a part of you wants it to be.

Because life isn't a Mitch Albom book. And some things can't be repaired. And all of the anger will have to be swallowed to provide whatever support is required. Because that's what the implied contract requires. When I would much rather not deal with it, which has been working out for a lot of years. And now no longer can.

So, to life this year on Festivus, a slow golf clap, for the cruelty of forcing this all to be dealt with. Because apparently things have to always be as hard and awkward as possible when it comes to my family.

Comments

[hdo45331]

You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family.

Perhaps, temper the feelings by what the person has done for you. Like bringing you into the world, feeding you & putting a roof over your head, and teaching you right from wrong. If he did have a part in this, there is "redeeming social qualities." If not, then........

Signed: Dear Abby

[TMan]

I feel you. I'm not there yet, but I know it's in my future.