I don't even know where to begin (or even if I should). Basically, a South Cackalacky man is in a plane crash in 2004 (in which his father dies) and he has to have his leg amputated. But not just any leg. His favorite leg. Crazy Carolina Red decides he doesn't want to part with his drumstick and decides to hang on to it until it's time to cremate the rest of his remains. So he keeps it in a freezer for a while, which seems to be his only remotely logical move at this point (relatively speaking). Then inexpicably, he removes it from the freezer and decides to store it in a...BBQ smoker? But wait, it gets more disturbing.
Redneck loses his house and has to auction off his belongings -- one of which is the BBQ smoker/detached limb locker. Of course he forgets his favorite leg in is still in there -- the one he so badly had to keep like a pack rat in the first place -- and the proud new owner of a smoker gets a 2-for-1 deal. As soon as he discovers it, the police confiscate it and bring it to a funeral home until they can figure out what happened. Eventually they figure out what happened and it of course makes news. Now the new owner of the smoker decides he wants the leg because he believes there's some money to be made off it ($3 for adults and $1 for children for a peek). Normally I'd have a difficult time envisioning people willing to pay money to see an amputated human limb sitting in a BBQ smoker --- however, our first two human exhibits A & B are swaying me to think there might just be a market for it in that (red) neck of the woods. So now there's a legal battle for custody of the leg, between a guy who bought a smoker and the guy who was born with the fuckin' leg attached to him. So what do they do? If you couldn't guess, they decide to have their case settled on TV by Judge Mathis. What's the point of all this? Take your pick: abortion, education, the electoral college, shock therapy.
Both of those guys? Registered voters.
Posted by: Assman | October 25, 2007 at 11:30 AM
Why take it to a funeral home? Isn't the leg rotting and smelly and disgusting by now?
Both of those guys? Registered voters.
Not to mention the people paying $3 a pop to see it.
Posted by: Art Vandelay | October 25, 2007 at 11:48 AM
"Why take it to a funeral home? Isn't the leg rotting and smelly and disgusting by now?"
One of many pertinent questions, though certainly not the first one in line to be asked.
Posted by: Jack Klompus | October 25, 2007 at 11:51 AM
Some days I'm embarassed to be a human. This makes it one of those days.
Posted by: TMan | October 25, 2007 at 12:08 PM
First, a clarification:
The guy had the smoker in storage, couldn't afford or forgot to pay the rental, and thus had his property auctioned. It wasn't because he lost his house. (not sure if this makes it better or worse, but that's the way it went down)
Second,
Congratulations for once again taking the easy way out and assuming that all Southerners are retarded idiots. We'll return the favor and assume all of you guys are rude assholes, cussing and stabbing each other in the subway (what was that that John Rocker said about the #7? whatever he said).
Posted by: Just Another Redneck | October 25, 2007 at 12:22 PM
"Congratulations for once again taking the easy way out and assuming that all Southerners are retarded idiots."
If the shoe fits....
and anyone who can quote and/or agree with John Rocker fits in that category anyway.
Posted by: Kristal K | October 25, 2007 at 12:29 PM
"The guy had the smoker in storage, couldn't afford or forgot to pay the rental, and thus had his property auctioned. It wasn't because he lost his house. (not sure if this makes it better or worse, but that's the way it went down)"
Thanks for the clarification. It all makes sense now.
"Congratulations for once again taking the easy way out and assuming that all Southerners are retarded idiots."
It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination. I mean, the research we do here is painstaking. We have to believe as upright humans that people know better. And yet, time after time, when the results come back -- where's the location of the retardedness? Alabama. Georgia. South Cackalacky. North Cackalacky. Louisiana. Alabama. Texas. Tennessee. Alabama. Part of me wishes it were not the truth. But it is. It's been that way since I was gosh dern knee-high to a grasshopper. Woo-wee.
"We'll return the favor and assume all of you guys are rude assholes, cussing and stabbing each other in the subway (what was that that John Rocker said about the #7? whatever he said)."
Stop it. That's not going fix the problem. And it's not going to bring back Chris Benoit.
Posted by: Jack Klompus | October 25, 2007 at 01:02 PM
So... if I'm understanding this correctly, the guy is from South Carolina, owns a BBQ smoker, decided to put his own severed leg in it, then somehow... almost magically... forgot that his once-severed leg was in there, and despite all this evidence, can't be called a redneck?
Might I ask what more he'd have to do to earn the term? Seriously? What's the redneck threshold?
Posted by: Assman | October 25, 2007 at 01:17 PM
Congratulations for once again taking the easy way out and assuming that all Southerners are retarded idiots.
And hang on here... doesn't Klompus live in the south? I'm not sure the assumption is that all Southerners are retarded idiots, but the ones that do things that are simultaneously retarded and idiotic probably deserve to get called on it.
Posted by: Assman | October 25, 2007 at 01:20 PM
I'm thinking the storage company might want the leg, too. It became their property, when the dude stopped paying, and I'm thinking that $3 a pop would go a long way toward paying the guy's back rent.
Posted by: Steve H. | October 25, 2007 at 05:12 PM
I figured this was going to end with the guy eating his own leg, so, in a way, I feel better about humanity than I thought I would forty seconds ago. Go us.
Posted by: alex | October 26, 2007 at 06:21 AM
Congratulations for once again taking the easy way out and assuming that all Southerners are retarded idiots. We'll return the favor and assume all of you guys are rude assholes, cussing and stabbing each other in the subway (what was that that John Rocker said about the #7? whatever he said).
As someone who was born and raised in the South and still has lots and lots of family there, on behalf of people like myself I would like to say: Please stop talking; you're only making things worse.
I'm not sure the assumption is that all Southerners are retarded idiots, but the ones that do things that are simultaneously retarded and idiotic probably deserve to get called on it.
You are correct, it's not all of them, and you are also corect that those that are need to be called on it.
My take on this whole thing is this: Sure, the guy who left his leg in a smoker is an idiot for keeping the leg, storing it in a smoker, not paying rent on the storage and forgetting that his leg existed when it was so important that he needed to keep it in the first place. However, the real screw up here is the guy who buys the smoker, finds a leg and thinks, "Dude, I can charge people to see this." Seriously, that's your big money making plan? Good luck with that. With a business plan like that, something tells me this guy won't be able to make his storage payments either. Still, at least it's good to know that the entreprenurial spirit is alive and well even if it is a little on the stupid side.
By the way, if you buy a smoker and find a human leg in it, would you still use the smoker to cook food?
Posted by: Craig | October 26, 2007 at 11:33 AM