JJ Takes Out The Trash

As you know, I feel comfortable airing my grievances year round. But this is fucking Festivus, people! This is the one time of the year I get to air my grievances without repercussions. It's a religious thing, duhhhh. So here's this year's list - and remember: until you pin me, Festivus isn't over.

Britney Spears:
Sweet, sweet, Britney. You've ditched that shitball ex-husband of yours, you're back on a diet plan, and you're whoring it up with Paris Hilton. I thought you were back on track to become hot again. Maybe you'd even treat us with a sexy Playboy photo shoot. But instead, you whip out your ashy, chafing bald cooch in front of the paparazzi. Next time, do it right - with a professional photographer who has some Photoshop skills. Or at the very least, moisturize that dried up slit. Seriously.

Right-Wing Religious Bloggers:
Why must you share your bad web design and unoriginal opinions with the world? I hope you realize you're quoting a work of fiction that was written thousands of years ago. And you're using those rehashed quotes to pass judgment on whom? Al Gore, Muslims, homosexuals, etc. Come up with an original thought, you self-righteous closeted pedophile.

Carmelo Anthony:
You were on track to be an MVP candidate, and then somehow you found yourself in the middle of an on-court brawl. And you know what? I don't even give a shit. Fight if you want to fight. My problem is with your fighting style, if you can call it that. You fucking swoop in with a Nolan Ryan sidearm punch from 4 feet away then you back up to mid-court? What the fuck was that, dude? If you're going to fight, act like you mean it.

Fantasy Football:
Fantasy football, you stole my life. I've been an NFL fan for years, but I hesitated to join the ranks of the fantasy sports dorks. These people pretend to run a professional sports team, pretend to make trades, pretend to win games. It's like Dungeons and Dragons for sports fans. I'm already a blogger - I didn't need another geeky hobby to make me seem like an even bigger nerd. But I caved under the pressure and joined a league with my coworkers. Now the season's almost over and for the past 16 weeks, I've been obsessed. Every single weekend has been filled with game after game after game. I can't not watch. It's a fucking addiction. Now there's one game left in fantasy-land and I'm still standing. One more win and I'm taking home the loot. So fantasy football - I'm just happy I'll be done with you so I can have my life back.

Comments

[Maine]

Fantasy sports teams are the drugs of the new age.

And much like young kids, people who don't like them and people who've never had them. Once you get one, you're in.

[Maine]

read: "people who don't like them ARE people who've never had them."

[jackie]

"I'm already a blogger - I didn't need another geeky hobby to make me seem like an even bigger nerd...So fantasy football - I'm just happy I'll be done with you so I can have my life back."

You too, huh JJ? If someone had told you 10 years ago that you would be spending as much time in front of the computer as you do now, what would you have said?

[tennbengal]

"ashy, chafing bald cooch"

You sir, are a fine fine wordsmith. My day is made.

[JJ]

Maine:
So true. Especially if I win my league. Cash in my pocket? I'll be hooked.

Jackie:
I know. When I first heard about blogging, I thought it was about the dorkiest thing I'd ever heard of. Why would anyone ever want to post their "journal" on the internet? Now of course, I'm a fucking addict.

Tennbengal:
The highest of high compliments. Thanks!

[JJ]

If anyone's interested... I've elaborated a bit on the whole Fantasy Football thing over at The Churning.

[��������]

Бизнес авиация, Российские авиакомпании, руслайн, чартерные авиаперевозки,Чартерный рейс, Заказать рейс, заказать чартер, авиачартеры, бизнес авиация.