've had one hell of a year…and let me tell ya, I got some things to get off my chest:
1—My Lovely Wife…
Thanks for kicking me out of my house and sending my life into the shitter. Love ya, babe….don't ever change.
2—My Mother-In-Law
Thanks for having scheduling your major back surgery during June, in south Florida, and then insisting the whole family come down to take care of you when its 5000 degrees outside and 145% humidity. Yeah, that was a good idea, especially since it put my wife into the hospital for 3 days and directly contributed to "The Booting". Oh, and I really loved getting to spend Fathers Day making a birthday cake for your son, my Brother-In-Law, the Plastic Surgeon and getting to hear all about how successful and rich he is, and how hot his new girlfriend is. Yeah, that was fun.
3—ESPN in general, and "Sportscenter" in particular.
Hey, I got a novel idea for you guys. How about you shut the fuck up and show the freakin' highlights? No one cares about the "Budweiser Hot Seat" or the "Coors Light Six Pack" or whatever the hell your latest gimmick is. And Stuart Scott, Chris Berman, Stephen A. Smith, Sean Salisbury, etc…if I see any of you drinking in a bar I'm in…you're getting the beer bottle to the Noggin. Fair Warning….
4—Conservative Blowhard Pundits
Yeah, you guys sure have been right about this whole Iraq war thing. How's that working out for you? So why the hell do you still get any airtime to bloviate about what to do next when everything up to this point that's come streaming out of your pie holes has not only been wrong, but dead fucking opposite wrong. How about this...anytime you're going to be one some TV show giving your opinions, its preceded by a video recap of all your predictions to date. That ought to be interesting. Yes, I'm looking at you Bill Kristol, Rich Lowry, Jonah Goldberg, et al. Your also on the "beer bottle to the noggin" list.
5—Volkswagen of America.
Thanks for selling us a car (2002 Passat Wagon) that commences to falling apart once the warranty runs out. Is that what you mean by "German Engineering"? Kraut bastards…
6—Fantasy Football players.
Shut up…just shut up. No one cares about your damn fantasy football team. And what's worse is people who insist on telling you what they need to happen in some game you're trying to enjoy so they can win their Fantasy Football Semi-Final game. Dungeons and Dragons, people…remember that.
7—Bill Bavasi and Seattle Mariners Management
Jose Vidro? Really? And now you are saying how you are going hard after Barry Zito. Yeah, that's gonna happen.
8—My Roomie
Ok, you totally helped me out by giving me a place to live as my life went swirling down the drain….but having to listen to you and your new girlie friend making the animal with 2 backs is really getting old.
9—Sperry shoes
Thanks for the $200 pair of sailing boots, that despite the "Waterproof" label right on 'em, fill up with water when it starts to drizzle. Love that feeling…
10—My Employer
Hey, I'm glad I've got a job and all…but howzabout a raise every once in a while, eh?
Given the way your year has gone, I figured you'd be a natural for this.
Great job.
Posted by: steveh2 | December 22, 2006 at 03:42 PM
It could be worse.
It could be raining........
Hang in there, Dave. Things will be better.
Posted by: hdo45331 | December 22, 2006 at 03:51 PM
"Hey, I got a novel idea for you guys. How about you shut the fuck up and show the freakin' highlights?"
I could not agree more. ESPN News is a relative godsend.
"...but having to listen to you and your new girlie friend making the animal with 2 backs is really getting old.
Not good times.
Hang in there, Dave.
Posted by: jackie | December 22, 2006 at 03:55 PM
I expected more words on the wife but I guess you summed it nicely, albeit concise.
Sincerely hope 07 turns things around for you Dave.
Posted by: jerloma | December 22, 2006 at 05:25 PM
Bravo!
Posted by: Ty Webb | December 22, 2006 at 05:27 PM
Comparing Fantasy Football to Dungeons & Dragons? Please. I guess it would easier to take if it wasn't coming from someone who wears Sperry sailing boots.
Posted by: Jack Klompus | December 22, 2006 at 05:56 PM
What's up my fellow seattlite is your power back on yet? Fuckin city light bitches, can you believe ther will be folks out here that will probably be powerless for christmas, that sucks.
"Bill Bavasi and Seattle Mariners Management"
If you don't know by now, I feel for you man, these clowns are fuckin RETARDED.
Posted by: The big O | December 22, 2006 at 07:57 PM
"Hey, I got a novel idea for you guys. How about you shut the fuck up and show the freakin' highlights?"
yes, I can watch inside the nfl on HBO but beyond that I pretty much get my sports news on the net
Posted by: DFS | December 24, 2006 at 10:58 PM