"I can't believe there are women dumb enough to believe the guy."

So said AofG Super-Heavyweight Jerloma in this thread, to which AofG Super-Heavy Jack Klompus responded: "You can't?" Well, in support of Mr. Klompus, as well as the Hell Hath No Fury Theory, we have this Absolute Gem of a Declaration that was filed by Denise Richards yesterday in connection with her divorce proceedings against Charlie "I Pay 'Em To Leave" Sheen. Some choice snippets (after the jump):

"When I started dating him, I knew that the Repondent had a history of abusing drugs, cocaine and alcohol, and also was known to hire prostitutes ... he reassured me that what occurred was in his past and that is where it would stay ... I believed him at the time when he said he changed. Unfortunately I was wrong."

"At this time, a prostitute that the Repsondent knew by the name of Chloe Jones sold a story to the tabloids accusing the Respondent of cheating on me and paying her $15,000 to have sex with him." (Later on the declaration notes that Chloe Jones is dead, and Ms. Richards thinks Sheen may have had her killed. I know, I had no idea either. Tragic.)

"I also discovered that the Respondent belonged to several sex search type sites, which he looked for women to have sex with. The picture he used for his profile was 'his erect penis' which he e-mailed out to approximately thirty women."

"I told him that I discovered some pornography websites that he belonged to which I found very disturbing -- webistes which promoted very young girls, who looked underage to me with pigtails, braces, and no pubic hair performing oral sex with each other."

"I learned that the Respondent was accessing gay pornography sites which I found even more disturbing because I felt that the boys looked underage."

Martin Sheen has gotta be proud.

(By the way, if anyone who reads the declaration can point out why Ms. Richards' attorneys' decided to emphasize "punched the cardboard bed" I'd be very much obliged.)

(Thanks Pike)

Comments

[Jack Klompus]

"I learned that the Respondent was accessing gay pornography sites which I found even more disturbing because I felt that the boys looked underage."

I guess that explains why he decided to take the job on "Two and a Half Men." One of his co-stars is 11 years old and the other, Jon Cryer -- well, he still "looks underage."

[Bluehorseshoe]

OK, she knew he was a "reformed" serial adulterer, drug abuser and UberHooker-meister before they got married....only goes to show that "but Baby I've changed...for you" line is a doozy.

[jerloma]

Didn't Chloe Jones die from leukemia?

[Unholy Moses]

I won't get into the whole "people never really change thing" because some do, some don't.

I will, however, bring up one point:

I don't understand why people cheat -- if you wanna go play the field, then quit the team you're on first. But my gawd ...

WHY IN THE FUCK WOULD YOU CHEAT ON THAT FINE PIECE OF ASS?

I realize looks ain't everything, but for the love of all that is holy. You've got the chance to consistently have one of the hottest chicks around (IMHO) and you pass it up for hookers and pre-pubescent girls and boys (allegedly)?

Dude should be thrown in jail for being a fucking idiot.

[Nat]

Unholy, I feel you, but she might be a huge prude and just never let him hit it. With a dude that is already a habitual line stepper, that is just fueling the fire, she created a monster out of a monster. Now that muthaf*cka is like Godzilla. Little boys???? I might have to stop watching that 2 1/2 dudes that I only watch for his brothers current girlfriend.

[john pike]

Though I too would gladly worship at the altar that is Denise Richards, I am nevertheless disinclined to believe that she is 3-input...

Which reminds me of some sage (but sad)advice I once got: "you show me the most sexy woman in the world, and I will show you the man tired of fuckin' her"...