Jerloma Gets Them Off His Chest

Long-time AofG homey Jerloma hits us up with a proper session of grievances.  There, doesn't that feel better.

-Corporate America - You truly suck. As long as you continue to measure
people by what they say and how they say it rather than what they
actually do, inefficiency is your fate.

-Parents with whiny kids - I understand that sometimes kids get cranky.
I have one. It's not necessarily a result of poor parenting. However if
you're kid is making everybody around it absolutely miserable...take the
kid somewhere else. Just because you're immune to it, it doesn't mean
everyone else is.

Much More after the Jump->

-Athletes who whine about not getting enough respect - You've been given
a gift. You're talented. You're rich. You can have any woman you want.
Millions of people would trade places with you in a heartbeat. There are
people with problems that you will never have to imagine. Yet your
indignant attitude and your insistence that nobody respects you makes
you the least enviable people I can think of. You disgust me.

-UPS - You know what? Fuck you! Because one person on my street had
something stolen, you can't demand that everything you deliver to me be
signed for! If I want to risk having my box of coffee stolen from my
front step, then that's the damn risk I'll take!

-My Fantasy Football Team - Peyton Manning, Clinton Portis, Cadillac
Williams, Chad Johnson, Antonio Gates, Plaxico Burress, Jason Elam, and
the Chicago Bears. Thank you for deciding to post your lowest point
total of the year in the first round of the playoffs. I couldn't have
used that $800.

-Global warming theorists - Oh no!!! The o-zone is deteriorating! Too
much hairspray! The ice caps are melting and we're all gonna be dead! Ya
know what? Go outside. It's fucking cold. It's getting colder every
year. The ice caps aren't going anywhere. All you need to do is look at
the size of my testicles when I walk outside in the morning to know that
the globe is not warming! We should be so lucky.

-Bill Cowher - You spineless wench. I am so sick of watching your team
play "not to lose" in the biggest games of their career. I'm sick of
your attitude in your press conferences. I'm sick of the way you rule
the Steelers organization as if you were the king but then are never
accountable when it fails due to your incompetence. I'm sick of you
instilling your "playoff mentality" on your players and infecting the
whole organization with your gutlessness. Go away.

-My kid's daycare - Don't call me and tell me that one of the kids cut
my kids hair today but it really isn't that bad! It really isn't that
bad? That's your disclaimer? Her hair doesn't look too bad? Okay...how
about the fact that a fucking 3 year old is waving a pair of scissors
around my 3 year old's head and nobody's noticing this? Do you have a
disclaimer for that?

Comments

[Johnnie]

Awesome Jerloma. That athlete bit is spot on. Very nice read.

[Jackie]

"All you need to do is look at the size of my testicles when I walk outside in the morning to know that the globe is not warming!"

Stop acting like you can see them regardless of the weather. Perhaps for your New Year's resolution you should start being honest with yourself.

And as for that scissors bit, please tell me you raised a fuss about that. That's legitimately way beyond the pale.

[jerloma]

Of course I did.

[Jackie]

So how did that go down? I could see having an extremely hard time maintaining any degree of civility during that conversation.

[Cozmo]

Jerloma, I'm feeling your pain. In my big money league, my high-powered #2 ranked team was averaging 115 points a week. First week of playoffs? 50. Fuckin' na'er-do-well losers.

[jerloma]

JC...pretty much the same way I expressed it in my grievances.