Bucks' 1st U2 Concert, or, "Hey Bono, GFY"

From trasplanted Masshole & AofG inspiration, Bucks, who saw U2 for the first and last weekend for his birthday.  If there is one thing you can count on with Bucks, it's the straight dope. 

So, I had the utter misfortune of seeing my first U2 concert last night. Not necessarily because the music was that bad...most of the songs were decent and pretty much standard fare based on what I've heard on the radio and cds. I've never considered myself a real "fan" of U2 in the hardest sense of the word but never hated them either. I enjoyed them as much as anyone else who has been beaten over the head by their ubiquity and catchy riffs and refrains for the last 25 years. Then about 40 minutes into the show, it occurred to me...I've never heard anyone ever say "you know, I fucking hate U2"...that is until I said it after the concert was over.

The setlist was good enough. They didn't exactly master the concept of momentum, playing a fast, well-known hit then sharply down-shifting into a snoozer repeatedly. At times I felt like I was riding in the backseat of a Stock Car driven by an Asian grandmother. But a good 70% of the tunes they played were enjoyable. Overall, there was nothing special about it musically but nothing dreadful either. Moreover, acoustically the Pepsi Center is not exactly Radio City Music Hall…at times I thought Charlie Brown’s fucking teacher may have taken over lead vocals. Also, I really hate these lazy pricks whom you pay $100 to listen to for a couple hours and then they stop halfway through the tune, stick the mic out into the audience have us sing half the rest of it. What the fuck? If I wanted to hear Uncle Larry shout the last two verses of “Beautiful Day”, I would have spent the money on a cover at Shotgun Willies. Just sing the fucking s! ongs. Finally, the stand outside my section offering binoculars for rent didn’t give me the warm and fuzzies either.

So, about 30 minutes into the show, Bono decides to make this his stage for telling us how awful the world is and that we need to solve every problem from starvation to AIDS to racism and equality all in one night. Motherfucker did everything but sell Girlscout cookies and pass a collection plate. If I didn't know better I would have thought he was running for Mayor of the universe.  By the end I was making notes to take the concert as a tax deduction and wondering where my plated chicken dinner was. The whole concert turned into a polemic, complete with pictures of flies landing on African kids and a number to text message your name to telling someone you care about it…As I arrived at home the sensory induced hypnosis started to lift and I had to tear up the check I’d written to the NAACP and call off the hit on Pap Smear. This is when it all started to sink in…

This guy is just pure human sludge. Bono seems to be a mutt comprised of half Sting and half Robin Williams. At one point in the set (right after his third costume change), I thought he was going to come out dressed as Rainbow Randolph and belt out “Fields of Gold”. But seriously, are we really supposed to fall for this shitbag’s “inspiration” for his songs? Come on, this guy’s from

Ireland

and while it is not exactly Utopia, it’s not the capitol of strife either. My grandmother grew up in

Dorchester

and I don’t hear her crooning about busing and little girls getting blown off the tops of mailboxes by stray Uzi fire. Why? Probably because she’s half senile and too busy cramming her face with stuffed peppers, and chasing it with a half! -gallon of French Vanilla Breyers.

The real irritation comes not in the message but in the delivery. It’s purely transparent. He doesn’t want to solve the world’s problems; he wants us to know he wants to solve the world’s problems…that’s it. This self-involved bullshit artist wants to run the fucking World Bank for God’s sake…from here it doesn’t look like he could run a playground…the worst part is that the crowd just eats it up. This Nietzche-esque “herd” of dim-witted doorknobs just sat there swaying holding up lighters. It dawned on me that these are probably the same douchebags who broke down in tears when the Pope died…that is except the one dude in front of me wearing the U2 Vertigo Tour t-shirt with an additional one hanging out the back pocket of his Jorts. This guy seemed to be playing on a whole other level. I felt like Claude Henry Smoot sitting amongst a sea of bobbleheads bowing to Jimmy Lee Farnsworth hoping for salvation. Little do they know that! he’s in the back smoking a J and drawing up plans for Bible Land.

So, this morning as I sit twisting my mustache contemplating how I can possibly waste more food and discriminate arbitrarily against all non upper middle class Caucasians, I decided Bono and his absolute morality can go fuck himself. Once he and his fraudulent, Communist rhetoric about the “real world” drive a Honda Civic for 8 years, we can talk about his causes.

Thus, after last night I wouldn’t go see U2 again even if they were playing in my garage. Maybe it was just the fact for the whole show I had to take a shit so bad, I think I grew a tail, but any entertainment value this “event” may have had was confiscated by Bono’s agenda. They played just enough older songs, perhaps written when they actually had meaning, to keep the crowd engaged enough to absorb his drivel about poverty, religion, hunger and any other movement that allows him to appear as the face of the world, a savior.

Do I want people to starve or suffer from other afflictions? Well no one I know of personally but the world is a zero-sum game. Some win and others lose. All actions have negative consequences. Human nature is propelled by a force of inertia so great that it could never be reversed by one clown trying to make everyone love him. You want a cause? Smile at a stranger, tell your wife you love her, get your parents a nice anniversary gift. Save the bullshit for the rest of the dingleberries who get to walk out of an arena with a suitcase full of cash for 90 minutes of their time.

And while we’re at it…Mother Theresa…go fuck yourself too.

Damn, Bucks...Don't sugar coat it.  Tell us how you really feel.  AofGers, how do you really feel about Bono's pseudo postrylatizing?

Comments

[Jerloma]

"The God I believe in isn't short of cash, Mister!"

I used to eat that shit up in high school.

[Babu]

I think I was at the same snow, Wednesday night at the Pepsi Center, I would write pretty much the same thing if I could write worth a shit...
Although the show was enjoyable (mostly because the ligts and effects are pretty damn amazing....wish I had been drunk or high though...) I do think Bono is a pompous prick, I wish he would stop acting like he thinks he is god for a moment and maybe just sing...
Funniest moment of the night....quiet song, some girl keep screaming "I love you Bono" (pronounced like Bono in Sonny Bono) and some guy behind me yells out, "Its Bono [like Bono] not Bono [as in Sonny Bono]"....classic.

[Uncle Leo]

Solid. Angry. But Solid

[Cozmo]

Claude Henry Smoot. Amazingly literate movie reference, Bucks.

I challenge the AofG to place it.

[Frank]

I recuse myself from the challenge as a 12-time viewer of the film in question.

I give Bono (and U2 as a band, for that matter) a free pass for the rest of their tenure. They've done enough great music to compensate for the mediocrity of their most recent album, the uneveness of the previous album and the preachy moments of their live shows. The one time I've seen U2 live and the multiple times I've listen to bootlegs or watched my DVDs, the socio-political rants are like a commercial. You zone out, turn off, and wait for the show to start up again. And it's way more palatable than the flag-wavin' act that uber-shitkicker Toby Keith puts out there...

[BillCross]

I saw them St. Patrick's Day 1986 (or maybe 1985 -- it was along time ago) at MacNichols Arena in Denver with the Red Rockers. A little short but fantastic. Haven't paid much attention to them since sometime around the Joshua Tree probably because they just got too big.

[membengal]

I feel like I was there. I can't ask for more from a review.

Sublime.

[Jackie]

That piece is alive. Outstanding.

[Jackie]

That piece is alive. Outstanding.

[Cozmo]

The kids, love it, Bucks.

Speech.

[Bucks]

Looking back, I didn't give the actual concert portion of the evening enough credit. While my seats were borderline stratospheric, the music was fun and the light show was cool too. If I had known that there would be repeated advertisements involving Sally Struthers I probably would have zoned out during them and had a beer...However, it being my first time, I was so focused on my spewing hatred for this guy it became a great source of inspirational comedy for me.

[membengal]

so...Bono has become your muse, then, in a sense?