The Airing of Grievances

This is Awesome

I know nothing of religion, nor can I intelligbly opine on any of the religious stuff anyone is saying here, but that does not stop me from confidently presenting this to you as A True Internet Gem.

(Thanks Vegas)

Should This Kid Be Grounded?

Or should he given an award?

(Hat tip: Da Ruzz)

Regarding Randy Pausch

I have no grievances with Randy Pausch. None at all. If he's in a position to inspire millions of people to live a better life and has the ambition to do so then the more power to him. My issues are more geared towards those millions of people that are being inspired.

Something occurred to me as I watching Pausch's now famous "Last Lecture" the other day. Are we as a society ever going to reach a point where this kind of stuff is just obvious? While Pausch is certainly an engaging and sincere person, there's nothing there original from a content perspective. It simply resonates when it comes from a guy who knows he's going to die.

The most incredible thing about him is not his spirit but his immune system. The fact that he's lived with pancreatic cancer for two years is amazing. I've seen that shit up close and to see a guy running around catching passes from Hines Ward is off the charts remarkable. Perhaps his spirit has helped him mentally deal with the massive amounts of chemo and radiation he's been exposed to but I don't think it can actually sustain life.

AofG UPDATE: "Six Pack in Six Months"

Click on Continued Reading below for Photo Update

All-time AofGer and my good buddy Aaron has decided that it's time to get his fat ass in some semblance of shape. He's cutting right to the chase and trying to get rid of his incredibly ample gut -- yup, that's it -- and he's looking to come through with a Six Pack in Six Months. Straight from the Porker's mouth:

I'm on a mission. You can probably guess what it is from the title of this email. My belly has gotten out of control. I've set a goal that I'm going to get a full out, washboard, six-pack of abs in the next six months, and contrary to all laws of decency and dignity, I'm doing it all in public, on the internet, in a blog, complete with ongoing photos and stats. Warning: the "beginning" pictures are not going to be pretty - brace yourself. But, I've got a plan in action, and I'm already 2 weeks in, so there's actually some material up for you to view.

Come check me out at Six Pack in Six Months - read the blog, add comments/motivation/joyful derision, and watch me along my journey! Forward my site to anyone who is trying to get in shape, who you think needs to get in shape, or who may have some advice for me. I promise to make it fun.

Head over there, poke your head around and then let us know whether you think Aaron can pull it off or if Klompus has a better chance of not being an asshole.

Me? Last time I had a six-pack was in about '93 and since then it's been all 40's and kegs. You?

And Aaron, I know you are reading, so be sure to know that we will be updating our readers on a monthly basis. Do not embarrass yourself.

AofG UPDATE: Let's check in with our man Aaron who is at the half-way point on his quest for a six pack in six months...

Not Everything Is Better Left Unsaid

Remember that Chicago travel journal that our man Chiles posted last week? Well at the end of the post, he made a comment that surely left us all hanging on the edge of our seats:

"I don't remember much other than my groin felt like someone was constantly poking it with red hot stick and endured one of the more embarassing losses in my athletic career. Let's just leave it at that."

Now I assumed he was overstating it and therefore simply chose to shroud us in mystery but nonetheless, out of curiosity I decided to do a little probing via-e-mail. I've come to the conclusion that it probably wasn't overstated.

Sorry Chiles, but I think we have a responsibility here at the Grieve to deliver that hard-hitting journalism that our readers come for. It'd be grossly unethical to let this slide. Anyway, is it at all possible that someone was in fact poking your groin with a red hot stick?

Money quote from JC:

"For gift exchange they gave us hockey puck shaped scented candles in fluorescent colors."

Awesome.

Look...We've All Been There

You just scored a fresh new bag of some kind bud but there are no papers in sight and you appear to have misplaced your favorite bowl. What are you gonna do?

A) Take a ride down to the local headshop
B) Rig something up with some aluminul foil and a Coke can
C) Find the closest cemetery, dig up a body, decapitate the head and make a good old fashioned bong out of that fucker

Oh my.

Money quote:

"He regurgitated in his plate of food when I asked him about it," Adkins said. "So I knew there was some truth to the story."

One time in college, I got high out of an apple. How cool is that?

The Assault on Candor

Just in time for the launch of his new book, The Assault on Reason, Al Gordo talks with NPR and asserts that global warming is to blame for the cyclone that devastated Myanmar.  Shameless.  What's more is that in an excerpt from the book-atribe, Al is quoted as saying:

"It is well documented that humans are especially fearful of threats that can be easily pictured or imagined."

Only, he's referring to the Bush Administration's campaign against Saddam.  Which is a quite a change of heart given his take 16 years ago.  Nonetheless, I find it to be the height of hypocrisy that he can accuse others of fear-mongering while his incredibly lucrative fear-based global warming campaign chugs onward.  And anyone that dares to disagree is accused of being a "flat-worlder."  So open debate is great so long as it doesn't interfere with the marketing of your cause du jour, Al?   

Clown.

She Is So Gross

Is it too much to ask that she get run over by a bus?

Good thing too, that Slick Willy has been breaking it down as to how the Obama camp is playing the race card.

I hate them.

Then I Thought: What Have I Got to Grieve About?

I mean, it's not like I have a job where I am too qualified for the things I do, but not qualified enough to really start raking by getting one of those mythical whatchacallits.  You know the ones I'm talking about.  Raises?  Promotions?  I hear people talk about those things and I listen while they wax poetic (you don't know what it means, either, so bag it) about Long Term Incentive Plans, stock options, and country club memberships. 

It's not like I have to go home from the job I love and weed eat (Note to City Grievers - You don't want to know) the creek bank.  During which weed eating I'll potentially have to fend off a family of rabid muskrats and after which my calves will be covered with so much slimy green organic matter that I'll look like The Hulk from the knees down --my calves are real, and they're spectacular.

It's not like I'll have to watch Ryan Seacrest tonight.

A New Awesome Blog: Layontheice.blogspot.com

One of the funniest cats the Internets has ever seen has started his own blog. He occasionally blesses us with his very special brand of hilarity here at AofG under the tag SL22. I recommend you check him out, and I recommend that extremely highly. Trust me, SL22 is the type of dude who will brighten your day. Without further adieu, Layontheice.blogspot.com.

(If you are wondering about the title of SL22's blog, it was inspired by this NHL Comedy Gold.)

My Type of Girl

How's this for a stand up lady?  I think justice is being served.

Observations From the Land of Polyethylene Farm Animals

One quick grievance to start...

- I'm a really fast walker. I don't think I've ever actually been passed by another walker. I've often referred to this as a curse whereupon my wife serves me up this big ass slice of perspective pie by informing me that there are people who will never walk a step for their entire lives and I'm complaining about my legs moving too fast? While that may be true, it loses it's luster coming from someone who can't even crack a smile when their cell phone accidentally gets flushed down a toilet.

It's not so much that I'm trying to win anything but unlike most theme park tourists, I have a purpose. I think that when you're paying such a stupid amount of money to be entertained by a theme park, it's important to implement a process and be deliberate with your intentions in order to maximize it's resources. Unfortunately, I'm alone on this. Everyone else seems to be in a complete fog.

Disgruntled (Former) Corporate Lawyer

There is burning bridges, there is napalming them, and then there is this.

Gold Star.

Who is More Despicable Than PETA?

Seriously, is their an outfit that purports to be doing good that has their head further up their asses than the people of PETA? I mean, it was bad enough that I wasted a nice amount of cake betting on five long shots to win, none of which were ever even mentioned in the tope ten; and that you had to have people pulling the Barbaro stuff all over again and completely losing all perspective about an animal that they have zero relation to dying; but then PETA has to come in and take the disgracefulness to a whole 'nother level. WTF is wrong with these people?

A Devious Knot

Looks like the US military is off cannibalizing their own again.  This time it's not blacks, women, or gays but atheists.  Here's a kid who has served two tours, been shot at and blown up by every pissed-off Arab with an AK from Al Quaeda to the Mardi Army but now faces the worst threat to his life- asshole Christian scum infesting the Army.  The abuse got so bad that command had to send him back stateside WITH his own body guard.  All the while the Mullahs are screaming that this occupation amounts to nothing more than another crusade- I'd say they have a lot to worry about if this crap keeps up. 

I understand that people turn to faith for a number of reasons, especially in a war-zone.  But it's the height of hypocrisy to invade and occupy another country under the banner of freedom and unity while forcing your own people to conform to some assinine nazi-style christian coup.  We're over there telling the Iraqi's that they have to move beyond their religious differences at the same time we're putting guys into protection programs to keep them safe from jesus thugs among our own ranks.  If there's a way to fuck this war up more than ever before rest assured we'll find it.   

Ownage

The skinny: Detroit City Councilwoman Monica Conyers (wife of Congressmen John Conyers) throws a tantrum at a Council meeting and calls the CC Prez "Shrek."  Later, some 8th graders sit down with Conyers to discuss the matter and one 13-year old takes the councilwoman out behind the woodshed.

Aside from the entertainment factor, this gives us two glimpses: (1) why Detroit is currently the way it is;  (2) hope for the next generation of women from the Motor City.

(Props to Lomez)

Friday Challenge: Bizarro AofG

I know this is supposed to be the Airing of Grievances and Race Cards, et al. But the still active Masterpiece of Our Domain "What Could It Be, A Mirage" has prompted me to try something different on this very unproductive Friday.  More on that in a minute. First a little recognition. "Mirage" is one of those rare posts that is able to elicit tangent arguments without the original argument getting completely lost.  Kruger has officially surpassed Vandelay as our ace poster in terms of verbal diarrhea-provoking topics.  Well done, Kruger.  You're like a massive Taco Bell overdose to our commenters.

Now to today's experiment.  In "Mirage," there was one (of many) ridiculous comments that got stuck in my pea-sized brain.  Our Native American friend "Likes to be informed" wrote "If the people stood up and said we just want to hear about the issues. This would not be such a big deal."  Ludicrous, of course.  But in quasi-protest to our idiotic "Mainstream Media," let's give it a try just for mierdas y grins.

So tell us which presidential candidate you intend to vote for and why you LIKE them.  Big curveball.  Don't tell us what you don't like about his or her opponents.  Bonus points if you mention an actual issue.  Strike three if you mention or allude to political party affiliations and/or previously elected presidents.  I don't know if anyone here can actually pull it off.

What Could It Be, It's A Mirage......

After watching a good deal of Reverend Wright's talk at the National Press Club yesterday afternoon I've concluded this guy is to Obama as Bill is to Hillary except ten times worse. My thoughts were mirrored in Bob Herbert's NY Times piece today and it's making me wonder if what I thought was Obama's sure ticket into the WH is suddenly being washed away by another short-sighted blowhard thinking the world revolves only around his tiny mind. 

Watching him parody the accents of Presidents and other politicians (and not even coming close) was just freaking weird and something you'd expect from someone who was not very sophisticated. I understand the positions he takes on race relations and this post has nothing to do that subject but only the fact that this guy is putting a huge dent in the campaign of the best candidate for President there is simply to feed his own ego. This is another great example of why religion and politics don't mix well.  It's time  to  cut the  cord on this clown. 

Sean Bell Verdict

The coppers fire 50+ shots on unarmed men, yet they walk away from the criminal case unscathed. Can someone please tell me how that is ok?

No Justice...

Query: Would the prosecution's chances been better with a jury than it was with a judge? What would you have said at the outset? Why?

Depraved

I do not know another word to use for this.

I don't think any punishment would come close to being enough.

This may be the worst I've ever heard.

Chicago Fun

Thursday: Catch the Yankee game at Cellular Field. Act like an obnoxious asshole Yankee fan all night long. Have one about 65-year old dude threaten me with "this ain't New York, this is the South Side of Chicago brutha, so watch it." Then have some little Napolean complexed fat dude hit me with "You're an asshole, you're a real fucking asshole," and make a very fake offer to take it outside. Then had to endure the shame of Joba blowing it, and just about had to be whisked out of the Stadium. Beautiful ball park, very good time, the pulled pork sandwich was fantastic.

Friday: Play a round at Harborside International, links style course, used rentals which were brand new Calloway set, over 50+ mph winds all day, reached the par 5, 560 yard 18th in two. Shot a 55 on the front and a 45 on the back, and was puffing my chest out a bit about that 45. Hardest conditions I've ever played. Oh yeah, shook Franco Harris hand in the lobby (texted Vandelay to tell him so and he simply replied "Fuck You"). Noticed a bunch of big black dudes on the course, one of my buddies asks someone from course if there is an event, person says Walter Payton Invitational and my buddy says: "Is Walter here?" The guy thought my buddy was trying to be funny and was not amused, it had just slipped his mind, however, and he felt awful. Barry Sanders, Bob Hope and Warrick Dunn were among other listed attendees who we did not see.

Jee-haad! I'm Going to Disneyworld

It wasn't very long ago we were hearing reports that Iraqi schoolchildren were being targeted at recess by insurgents hell-bent on sending a message to us and anyone else who stepped foot in Iraq.  We are (me and you) now paying them ("former" insurgents), thousands of them, millions of dollars every month to be neighborhood stewards (they get to keep their AK's and grenade launchers), and that has apparently pacified these armed and angry maniacs to a level our gov't finds acceptable.

So what to do next?  How about build a Disney World in Baghdad.  Disney World, a crap-ass shit hole for the typical American moron who can't be bothered to bring their kids on a vacation where they might actually learn something and that would enrich their lives a little... i.e. Grand Canyon, Yosemite, Yellowstone.  Instead, off they go by the millions in maggot-strewn hoards to a fantasy mind-fuck to worship polyethylene farm animals and collect on their overpriced fake experiences.

Hypothetically Speaking...

So lets say I'm in traffic on an L.A. freeway, creeping along at 5 mph while these douchebags are bobbing and weaving around my car for no other reason than, "they can." I have three options available at my disposal:

A. Casual indifference
B. Bow to their awesomeness and wish there was a way I could be that extreme
C. Make sure I properly closed that driver side door when I got in the car

The first choice appears to be the most practical but who feels like being practical when you're sitting in an L.A. traffic jam? I could go with B as I can confidently say this is something I'd never do but ultimately this guy is far too much of a douchebag to warrant my envy. That leaves C. Now, unlike some people, I don't think I could work up the nerve to door this fucker. However,if the justification for doing something that could result in someone getting seriously hurt is that it was rad...wouldn't that be like wicked rad?

Baracky! Baracky! Baracky!

Show Time in Pennslyvania. Can Baracky get 'er done? If he gets the duke, does Hillary take her ball and go home? And, if so, what happens to The Clintons then?

Let's Go Ahead and Call It a Reach

As you can see, one of those progressive southern thinkers has come up with a new and completely relevant slogan to display in front of his South Carolina church. Humm...

"It's simply to cause people to realize and to see what possibly could happen if we were to get someone in there that does not believe in Jesus Christ," he said.

Does he mean like on a molecular level? While I highly doubt Obama doesn't believe JC existed, even if one were to project that he doesn't buy into Christianity, what exactly are we supposed to realize would happen? The only reason I ask is because the other guy on that sign (his alleged brother) organized the biggest terrorist attack ever to hit U.S. soil.

It was never intended to hurt feelings or to offend anybody.

Right. I can't think of anyone that would possibly be offended by that.

Hey Chiles, any relation?

The Man Knows No Shame

"My office is in Harlem."

Dear lord.

AOFG UPDATE: Courtesy of Jeff, be sure to listen to the whole tape and pay very close attention at the end. That's an outstanding catch by Jeff. High comedy.

Desperate Times, Desperate Measures

A last second ad put out by Hillary.

"To Be The Man, You Gotta Beat The Man"

This is fantastic. I mean, that is The United States Congress at its very finest.

Barry Gots Game

Anyone see RealSports with Bryant Gumbel the other night?  They did a piece on Obama's love for basketball.  Certainly a step up from his little dancing cameo on Ellen.  Nonetheless, he's a pretty good baller.  According to him, he could dunk back in the day (not just a tennis ball, either).  Though the camera caught him with at least 2 carrying violations that went uncalled.  Still it's got to be a refreshing change after having watched John Kerry bounce the first pitch off the dirt at Fenway, limpwrist the football around the tarmac, and windsurf his way into uncool-dom.

And more importantly, check out the rack on Bryant.  Vandelay, you aint got nothin' on Gumbel.

ABC Hits It Out Of The Park

I didn't catch the big debate last night as I was pre-occupied watching 4.5 hours of terrible pitching in Da Bronx and if possible, the most embarassing episode of American Idol to date (GET OFF THE FLOOR ARCHULETA...HE'S TELLING YOU WHERE TO GO!!!). By the way, the next time Man-Ram wants to throw a tantrum for taking a belt-high third strike right down the middle of the plate, could an umpire just eject the fucker? This guy once started a fucking riot leading to a world-class athlete tossing an 98 year old man to the ground by his head because of a pitch that was like an inch inside. When does he stop getting a free pass?

Anyway, everything I'm reading this morning seems to indicate that Chaz Gibson and Jorge Stephanopoulos were the real show asking the most inexplicable questions all night and apparently forgot to touch on actual issues. Crooks and Liars has a hilarious mash-up of the most idiotic questions. They're right in line with the chick who called in to ask Paula what one of her songs best describes her relationship with Simon (I hate myself).

e.g.: Hillary, do you think Senator Obama can beat John McCain? Huh?

Totally worth a look.

The Supreme Court Is Crap

The Supreme Court rules on lethal injection case today and  determines it is not cruel and unsual- if it was the  Constitution wouldn't allow it... of course, it all makes sense.  Even the Pope is against the death penalty.  Happy  Birthday Pope!! Now go fuck yourself.

"By 7 to 2, the court rejected challenges to the Kentucky  execution procedure brought by two death-row inmates, holding  that they had failed to show that the risks of pain from  mistakes in an otherwise “humane lethal execution protocol”  amounted to cruel and unusual punishment, which is banned by  the Constitution."

It's amazing hearing people try to rationalize this issue.  You take a human being, strap them to a gurny, inject poison and  sit around behind a glass window and watch them die.  That's  not cruel??  That's not unusual??  I guess it's less cruel  than being set on fire or thrown off a bridge.  But is that a true standard- "it's less cruel than being tortured first so we'll just say it's Constitutional."

The United States of America in the 21st Century

So, you are licensed physician and you are asked to do an autopsy and determine the cause of death for black guy found wrapped like a mummy in cellophane at the bottom of a Mississippi lake. What are the chances that you rule the death a suicide and explain: "It's the most determined case of suicide that I've ever seen." Well, if you are this guy, not bad. Not bad at all.

Those Who Fight and Run Away...

...live to fight another day. Recall Mama Chiles saying this once or twice when I was a little J.C. I'm guessing this guy never received that advice. (Double Shot of JD to Easy Ed Kranepool)

Lets Get This Over With

What's wrong with this picture?  Bush runs out to Andrews Airforce Base today to grovel up to the Pope who's making his obligatory visitation.  Yes, a quarter of the nation is made up of Catholics some of whom may even vote when they're not passed out drunk or screwing hapless orphans so I guess in Bush's mind this makes sense.  Too bad it didn't make sense for him to show up even once when a plane rolled in carrying battle victims of a bullshit war he started because he thought it would make him look cool and make his Vice President's buddies billionaires (the latter of which was a smashing success). 

Rebates!

You know that genius plan that the Bush administration has come up with to stimulate the economy? Well, you're probably not gonna believe this, but early reports indicate that it may not exactly drag our sorry asses out of the abyss the way it's supposed to. According to a recent survey, only 21% of Americans unfortunately intend to actually spend their rebate. Apparently, people have like debt and investment vehicles that they're more interested in right now. Who knew?

He had considered using the money to take his family to Disney World. But "With the uncertainty of the economy," Karas says, "right now, I'm going to forget I got that money and put it in mutual funds."

What. A. Dick.

Squeal Like A Pig, Taxpayer!

Today being April 15, I thought it would be appropriate to complain about taxes.  Mainly because this is my first year as a small business owner.  And paying taxes in lump sums is an entirely different experience than having nearly the same amount of taxes automatically pilfered away on a bi-weekly basis.  Let me first dispel any notion that this is about the Fair Tax.  It is not.  I don't covet the Fair Tax.  Why?  Not only do I believe it will never pass, I don't believe it could ever be effective.  It's even more subject to fraud than our current system.  And I don't believe you can ever get rid of the income tax.  But anyone that disagrees with that, feel free to air your diarrhea.  Ditto for general grievances with the tax code.

That being said, I wanna believe there is something that can be done to make this whole thing more efficient without it becoming regressive. But it's hard when you have special interests in our government dictating how tax revenue is spent.  So I say first and foremost, pork-barrel spending needs to be reigned in.  It's not a single-party phenomenon.  See if this example doesn't piss you off (assuming you're not from Johnstown, PA). 

In Which Uncle Jim Smiles Bigly

Rep. Geoff Davis (R-KY) on Obama: "I'm going to tell you something: That boy's finger does not need to be on the button. He could not make a decision in that simulation that related to a nuclear threat to this country."

It Really Is Like Tyson Spinks

If Mama Chiles was not a reader, I would say that Barack has made something here. The party really gets going around the 3:40 mark.

How can you not love this guy?

Is Dick Holding His Rod?

Picked this up off the Times site today.  You have to love this paper when it comes to news regarding the U.S.  They always seem to get the goods before anyone else in-country.  As for Dick C., he probably only grins like that when we're bombing the crap out of some third world shit hole or he's packing wood.  It's time for some serious reflection Dick.

Our Long National Nightmare Is Over

Just a reminder that the funniest TV show ever will resume at 9:00 tonight after a far too long strike-induced absence. Here's a compilation of "That's what she saids" to tide you over for the next four hours. I guess you'd technically have to watch it like 50 times for it tide you over at which case it would just get annoying after a while, so maybe take the dog for a walk or go down on your significant other (anyone really...I'm not here to judge) or whatever it is you gotta do to waste 4 hours. Just don't be busy at 9:00 est.

No charge for that.

Gimmee an "F"

Gimmee an "e"; Gimmee a "l"; Gimmee an "o"; Gimmee an "n"; Gimmee a "y"; What's that spell? 

Now, if they were only naked and fighting over me, my life would be complete.

Monday Morning Griever - Fuck Amtrak

Penn Station, Friday, April 4th, 3:30 PM: So I'm travelling with my wife, my 5 year old, and my one year old from NYC to Providence. I politely inform the Amtrak people that I have two children, one in a stroller, 2 suitcases, a computer bag, and a backpack therefore I'm in need of an elevator. They show me where the elevator is and inform me that they'll let me know when to board. 5 minutes later...176 is currently boarding on track 9! Hey, thanks for the advance warning mother fuckers.

Now since Amtrak chooses to let all the people with their one briefcase to board at the same time as my sorry ass and provides them with an escalator directly to the track while we have to take 2 elevators while trying to push a stroller and 4 pieces of luggage, of course by the time we get to the train, the whole thing is full. Now, we're trying to find seats while navigating a stroller, a five year old, and 4 pieces of luggage down a path so narrow that I can't even roll the luggage because the assholes sitting down won't get their feet out of the aisle.

Does Tiger Get It Done?

Will he be The Master yet again? Does he have a legit chance of pulling of The Grand Slam? Is he the greatest competitor that we will see in our lifetimes'?

My Master's juices got flowing thanks to brilliant work by AofG All-Time Homey AB over at The SportsFrog:

That's the cachet that the other Majors don't carry. There are exceptions, but they only prove the rule. The Masters is the one everyone thinks about winning. They think about pulling that Green Jacket on in the Georgia Twilight. They think about a Tuesday Dinner with Jack, Arnie, Tiger and the ghosts. They think about a double-eagle on fifteen. They think about bridges that are more than just a way to get across the water. They think about White Dogwood, Golden Bell, and Azalea. The think about breaking the Shark's heart with a chip. Mickelson throwing a monkey off his back with one tiny jump. They think about a Nike swoosh hanging interminably on the lip of the 16th hole. They think about hanging your head and crying for your old teacher when the final putt drops. They think about a 46-year old Bear coming out of hibernation for one final Spring.

A tradition unlike any other, indeed.

Chills.

How Not To Off Yourself- Ouch

So, if I'm think of calling it quits for eternity I probably wouldn't opt for log-upside-head strategy.  This guy tried it and the results lived up to expectations.   After being a tad disappointed that his end of the world prediction fell a little short and with the rest of his gang just coming to grips with that fact and probably on their way to ask him for an explanation I guess he was also feeling a bit stressed out. 

The one's that were persuaded out of the cave by authorities got a present.

Sect members were given a cow after they left the cave because they refused to drink milk from cartons that carried bar codes.

Those evil bar codes will bring down the world every time.

Those Crazy Hippies

..... what will they think of next. 

Being an advocate of sound environmental policies it's nice to know there's a web site I can go to when loneliness strikes.  I'm sure there's going to be more than a few of you nasty A of Ger's joining this site so I guess I've done my good eco-deed for the day. 

McCain on Fire Again

John McCain goes on the Imus show (who the hell goes on that show anymore- you have to be pretty desperate for attention) and says he's starting to look at VP running mates for his campaign.  He tells Imus "I'm aware of the enhanced importance of this issue given my age."  How many times can this dude shoot himself in the foot?  I mean, if I were considering voting for McCain and one day he comes out and basically says 'I'm not sure I'll make it through the first four years', I'd start to wonder if this guy really gives crap at all about being Prez.

His other hallmark positions: if you lost your job to NAFTA and hoping to get it back someday, fuck you, it's gone, better luck next time.  If you're sick and tired of wasting blood and treasure in that shit hole called Iraq, fuck you, I'll bog us down for a century and start a war with Iran just to piss you off even more. 

I preparing myself for good ol' shell-shocking while waiting to see just how the Democrats will blow this election. 

Borat= Public Interest= Get A Life

After being sued by South Carolinian frat boys, driving instructors, and Romanian villagers is Borat in the clear?

Jeffrey Lemerond filed a law suit against 20th C. Fox last year for damages including humiliation (because he runs like a girl), and some other cry baby crap, because they used footage of him getting chased down a street in Manhattan by S.B. Cohen in the Borat movie.  The law states, and it's a over a century old, you can't use someone's likeness without their consent for commercial purposes.  BUT it's been interpreted to exclude “newsworthy events or matters of public interest”.  Makes sense- you'd be staring at a blank screen every time you turned on the local news. 

The great thing about this case is the judge's interpretation of the Borat movie.  She says, "the movie employs as its chief medium a brand of humor that appeals to the most childish and vulgar in its viewers".  Thank you judge, you've just described 90% of the comedies ever made worth watching.  Nonetheless, she goes on to say, "at its core, however, “Borat” attempts an ironic commentary of “modern” American culture, contrasting the backwardness of its protagonist with the social ills [that] afflict supposedly sophisticated society."  Well, I'd say that's pretty fucking far from childish and vulgar.  Why can't she just say, "Douchebag! This movie rocks! Fuck you, get your cryin' mamma's boy ass out of my hall."

The Judge tops it off with "Indeed, its message lies in that juxtaposition and the implicit accusation that "the time will come when it will disgust you to look in a mirror.” Such clearly falls within the wide scope of what New York courts have held to be a matter of public interest."   

Only one word comes to mind- fathomless.  In effect, Lemeronds disgust with his own image accessible to millions, even billions, of fellow morons, is what scuttles his ass.  Niiiiccce.

Nazis Strippers?

So, does decorum call for resignation when you get caught in a Nazi role play romp with five (5) hookers (with pictures)? 

Ding Dong...The Witch is Dead

HRC pulls out.

UGH!!!

Tennis people suck. They really do. I should know because I've been surrounded by them my whole life. I never quite understood why or how it became a sport designated for the "upper class." All you really need is a court, two rackets, and some balls. I'd think it'd be much harder to put together a baseball or a basketball game and much more expensive to play hockey or golf. In spite of this, I never so much minded because I enjoyed the game and it gave me something to non-conform to. I used to love playing that kid who walked on the court with a duffle bag he could hardly carry, 5 rackets, 3 changes of Izod clothes, a cooler full of Evian and Gatorade, matching head and wrist bands, and a double-digit entourage. Meanwhile, I'd have holes in my sneakers, a sleeveless t-shirt, boxer shorts hanging out of my the bottom of my shorts, two beaten up rackets, and a cup of ice water I just filled from the hose, as Mama and Papa Chiles had to helplessly watch their little country club champ be mercilessly annihilated. I digress.

It seems that the pansies that surround themselves with the sport have finally crossed the line. You see my girlfriend up there? Well, she's a grunter. Tennis people frown upon this despite the fact that it's been going on for years. For whatever reason, some British jackasses probably decided over a hundred years ago that any unnecessary noise on the tennis court would indicate poor sportsmanship. That probably made sense to people that consumed tea and crumpets after the match but what is wrong with evolving?